


Burned Out

by KingArthur11602



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationships, Insecurity, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pride, Sad Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-05-19 11:12:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19355875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingArthur11602/pseuds/KingArthur11602
Summary: The other sides ask Roman to back out for a while- as his fantasys are getting in the way of Thomas' establishing a proper life. Roman decides to follow their orders, stepping out of the picture. This only puts emphasises on how much the sides actually need the creative trait.-Roman is sad so he hides away and the others come to his aid





	1. Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo!! This work started on my tumblr @smedenn but ive decided to move it here as I have bigger plans for it!!  
> All notes will be at the end of the chapters  
> Any warnings will be at the beginning in the notes section.  
> Okay ! have fun ! byebye!

Roman was corageous. He was prideful, egotistical, and confident. He took pride in his looks, he made his fashion a priority. He loved to keep up his Prince Charming persona, and it was okay. Thats just how Roman was and the other sides accepted that- but that doesnt mean they needed it.

Suddenly the creative side was summoned, turning around to face the other sides 

"What might you all require my blessed presence for?" He asked as he fixed his hair, looking charming as always in his prince suit.

Logan was the first to speak up, "Thomas is having a deliemma and we suspect you are the root of the issue" he spoke.

Roman raised an eyebrow- confused. He hadnt done anything bad lately. Thomas didnt have any auditions lately, nor has he been having problems with youtube videos and such. Roman believed he was doing a fine job, actually.

Thomas clapped his hands and turned to the obviously confused creative side,

"Yeahh...Roman" he spoke slowly. "I just think you've been a little...heightened lately" he told the side.

Roman stepped back, looking to all the famillar sides. They were all staring at him with accusitory glances. Roman was starting to feel small and vulranable.

"So? Whats wrong with a little more creativity and fun in your life!" Roman told him, letting out a nervoue laugh. He didnt see HOW he was working too hard. He could have sworn he was doing his adverage amout of work- if not minimal amount.

Patton adjusted his glasses and held his hands behind his back, "Well kiddo, sometimes extra creativity can be fun! But sometimes Thomas needs to focus on...reality" Patton tried to explain nicely, sugar coating his words.

Virgil groaned, "What Patton's trying to say is you need to back down. Thomas cant do anything right now" the anxious side snapped to his least favorite side.

Roman knew their relationship was getting better- Roman was trying- but he also knew he still held last place on Virgil's 'favorite people' list. When he thought about it, it kind of stung with how much he had been trying.  
Roman opted not to think about it.

"Im sorry, Timid Burton, but I dont see how I have been too controling of Thomas! He seems normal!" Roman dramatically gestured to the only real being in the room. Thomas seemed to get smaller as if he didnt want to tell Roman something.

Thomas shrugged as all the sides looked to him, "Well... I havent been able to do much lately because im always caught in day dream mode, or im conjoring up some fake fantasy..and thats all you buddy. I cant stay focused on anything" Thomas tells him in a guilty voice. Roman let out a loud sigh.

Logan cleared his throat to get Roman's attention, "Basically it would be best if you stepped back for...a while. Thomas needs to focus on his work, hes not a child anymore that can waste his time on dreams and fantasies."

Roman also knew he had the lowest spot on Logans 'People I can tolerate' list. Logans skeptical and realistic way of looking at life contridicted Roman's hopes and dreams too much- making them not be the closest friends of the group.

Patton shrugged, "Its okay kiddo! We just need you to calm down... Dont be upset! Thomas just needs to focus on adultry!" Patton said nicely to the group.

Thoman sighed and shook his head, "Patton thats- thats not....nevermind. Roman!" He said suddenly and turned back to the creative side. "You understand, right?" Thomas asked nicely.

Roman looked to the other sides, feeling a weight in his heart. Roman felt...rotten, like an brown rotten apple. He looked to Virgil.

Virgil scoffed, "Of course he doesnt understand, hes a clueless moron" he mumbled and leaned back, looking down.

Roman nodded, "I understand Thomas. I am sorry to let you down-"

Thomas intrupted him, "Roman you didnt let me down! You never-"

"Im sorry I let you down" Roman repeated, cutting Thomas off. "I will certainly..uh...tone down" he tells the group. The other sides looked relieved.

Logan pushed up his glasses, "Well that went relatively well. Im glad we discoveted the root of the problem and rid of it" Logan told the group. Virgil just nodded and shurgged, uninterested. Patton looked guilty, looking to Roman.

"Hey kiddo? You okay?" He gently asked the creative side. Roman flashed a grin at him.

"I am super!" He told the dad figure. Patton didnt seem convinced.

"Are you sur-" before Patton could finish Roman quickly finished his sentence.

"-Califragilisticesbealidosious. Anyway! I shall be off to my room! A wonderful day to you all or whatever!" He told the group happily and loudly. Logan seemed turned off by the over dramatic gestures Roman was throwing everywhere. Virgil grunted in response.

Roman quickly ducked out, hearing a small "Bye!" From Patton as he went down.  
When Roman reappeared he was standing in the same living room he was before- yet the walls were covered in gold embedded in it.

The couch was bright red, the entire room was extra and almost glowed in gold. There was paints and canvas's spread everywhere, with brushes scattering the table. The creative side loved to paint in his free time.

The best part of the room was the bubbles.

There were these shiney golden bubbles floating around- each holding a different photo or scene in Thomas's future. Each of the dozens of bubbles represented a different hope of Thomas'- a dream. His fantasies and his ideas filled the floating circles. It was Romans job to create them, maintain them, and pop the fading and unneeded ones.

Roman sighed as he watched them float around.

Roman glanced around the room slwoly, seeing the bubble of Thomas sanding on the stage as he won a Tony for his broadway acting. Another bubble floated by and showed a contract signed by Thomas as he was cast in a broadway musical. Another displayed Thomas happily with a husband and kids of his own.

They showed his youtube growing more popular, him getting signed with a record deal, him producing a hit song, becoming an actor, eating healthy and working out. They showed Thomas thriving by going out and enjoying nature, owning a small business, or going back to college and studying astrology. Every picture showed a different hope and dream of Thomas'. Not all of them could happen- but they gave Thomas options. They all made Thomas happy, they were all things Thomas wanted to do.

Until now.

Roman let the sides voices ring through his head- how they told him to tone it down.  
Roman reached up. He softly grabbed his favorite bubble. This one showed Thomas going on to presue his acting career. Roman loved nothing more then theater- and the idea of Thomas presuing his love of theater made Roman incredably happy

Yet Roman reached up slowly with his other hand. He felt like crying as he relectantly touched the top of the bubble and watched as it burst and disapeared- along with Thomas' hope.

Roman looked around the room, walking through it and picking out the bubbles Thomas didnt need. Roman burst Thomas' childhood dream of being a firefighter. He went on to burst Thomas' dream to be a doctor or become a vet. He destoryed his dreams of learning to paint and continue learning how to draw. He found Thomas' dream of owning a bakery and popped it- along with Thomas's dream of owning a flower shop.

He burst Thomas' dreams of being a disney prince, or finding a disney prince to love.  
Roman tried to destory all the unrealistic dreams- becoming a Prince, becoming a Broadway star, living in France.

This included his childhood fantasies- his want to be in a cartoon, meet cartoon characters like Steven Universe, find a real snipe, float all the way to live by the falls in a house being lifted by balloons. All of it burst with a touch of Roman's fingers.

Roman was sobbing by the end of it, watching everything he lived for and created burst before his eyes. But he knew that these were silly fantasies in Thomas' head. He knew they held him back from properly touching down to reality and creating a stable career. He knew Logan was right- which is why he left Thomas' want to study astrology there. He left the bubble with Thomas's want to attend college and raise a medicore family. He burst Thomas' biggest hopes and dreams to replace it with just the want for a stable, sutiable life.

Roman crumbled to the ground, letting his head fall in his hands as he sobbed his heart out. He did as the others asked him- eliminate what would keep Thomas from living a proper life. In exchange Roman had to destory all he had ever worked for. All the auditions, art classes, the ideas and effort - were turned into a waste as they burst between the creative sides hands.

He wasnt going to fail Thomas- and if Roman had to suffer for that then so be it.

Roman curled up in a ball, rubbing at his eyes. He let his shoulders shake as sobs wrecked his body. He felt his chest roughly push in and out as his breaths were rushed and quick.

Roman looked up at the damage he had done. His room had previously been lit up like time square with golden glowing bubbles- holding all his beloved dreams. Now it was dim. Only about a dozen of the orginal group was left. Those each consisted of basic wants- like the dream to become an adult, to find an adverage man and settle down, to start a family, to return to college and set up a stable career.

Roman's attention turned to a bright bubble that floated across his face. He looked inside of it- it showed Thomas' youtube channel.

Roman frowned. Youtube was Thomas' life but...without it he would be able to focus on college and a "real" job. Roman let it float by- it shone the brightest in the room. The brighter it shone- the more Thomas wanted it. That was how the bubbles worked.

Roman reached out and took a hold of it, bringing it closer to him. He admired the picture in it, smiling through his tears.  
Roman leaned forward and kissed the bubble before letting it go float around the room. If the sides had a problem with it- they could come pop it themselves.

Roman collected himself, pulling himself off the floor and slowly moving over to the couch and plopping down on it. Roman grabbed his Aladdin printed blanket and wrapped himself in it. He wiped his tears as he grabbed the remote and turned on The Office.

Roman watched one last bubble float above the tv. It was a bubble that had been there since he bacame a side. It was Roman's biggest hope and dream- the one single thing he wished for the most.

The bubble showed the four main sides- Virgil, Logan, Patton and Roman himself, all happily hugging eachother, where Roman felt cared for and appreictaed by the people he loved the most.


	2. Fading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton starts to realize that maybe Roman is an essantal part of the group, Virgil’s starting to realize it too but Logan stands stubborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, just angsty Roman and some fluff

********“Good morning Kiddo!” Patton told Virgil as the anxious side came into the kitchen. The sides had their separate rooms but they also had a mind palace they shared that they all hung out together in.

Virgil grunted in response, mumbling a soft “mornin’” and continued his path to the kitchen. Virgil stopped at the coffee pot.

He grabbed his mug- Roman made all the sides their own specialized mug for Christmas one year. They all used them every morning. Virgil noticed Logan’s and Patton’s cups were sitting next to them as they both sat at the kitchen table.

Roman’s white and gold mug sat lonely in the cabinet.

Virgil shut the cabinet doors, poured his coffee, and joined the other sides at the table. Patton was still in his cat onsie while Logan professionally wore his usual black button up and tie.

The logical side looked deep into the book he was reading. He sipped his own tea with one hand and held the book with the other- placing his mug down every minute or two to flip the page.

Patton was eating pancakes shaped like smiley faces with an overly obsessive amount of maple syrup. His coffee was a light color- filled with creamer and sugar. Virgil’s nose crunched up at the sight of it- too much sugar. He looked back down to his mug filled with plain black coffee.

Virgil tiredly laid his head down, enjoying the quiet atmosphere. It was peacefully silent expect for the soft clanking of dishes as Patton ate and the flutter of Logan flipping a page. He closed his eyes.

He was only able to enjoy it for a moment before he began to feel uncomfortable. It was never this quiet in the mornings- something was off.

Virgil started to feel anxious- worrying if there’s something missing or something they didn’t do. What was happening?

The anxious side looked up from where he had his head down and looked to the other sides.

He knew Roman wasn’t there but Roman didn’t make THAT big of a difference. Roman was just obnoxious and loud- maybe this peace was a good thing?

Sleep- or Remy- was no where to be found but Remy didn’t come by often anyway. Deceit sometimes showed up in the morning but he usually stayed in his room, he liked to be mysterious like that.

Every once in a while a different side would show up but Thomas’ four main sides always showed up without fail.

Virgil looked to Patton beside him and panned over to the spot across from him- where Roman usually sat next to Logan.

Virgil set his head back down on the table.

 

 

  
“Logic! Creativity! Morality! Anxiety!”

Suddenly 3 of the sides were all warped to Thomas Sander’s living room. Logan adjusted his glasses and necktie as Patton fixed his hoodie around his neck.

“What could possibly be the dilemma today, Thomas?” Logan inquired as they looked to Thomas.

Thomas looked very clean as always but instead of a fun flashy outfit he usually wore. He wore a grey polo and plain blue jeans.

Thomas had a small stack of different pamphlets in his hand as well as his laptop open on his lap.

“Hm? Oh I don’t have a dilemma really, I just need help picking a college to study at” Thomas told them casually as he clicked through his laptop.

The three sides looked at each other, growing silent.

“Did you say college?” Logan asked hopefully, excitement growing in his expression.

Thomas nodded, “Yup! I’m thinking about studying for astrology but I don’t where where I should go that’s best for that” Thomas told the three sides, “I was hoping you guys could help me choose?” He asked.

Logan let out an excited breath, holding his fists up, “Satisfactory! I am…extremely filled with happy emotions because of you deciding to extend your studies!” Logan tried not to sound too full of excitement, but it wasn’t fooling anyone.

Virgil shrugs, “Seems cool to me but..Is college what you really want to do? Will it full fill you in life?” The anxious side asked, “What about everything else you want to do?”

Thomas shook his head, “I don’t..really want to do anything else, except Youtube but I can do both” he tells the group.

Logan cleared his throat, “Well we could try to certain fit both things but-”

Patton interrupted, “What about becoming an actor? You want to be an actor right?”

Thomas looked up and hummed, thinking for a moment about it. Thomas shook his head, “Not really, theater’s kind of dumb” he responded and went back to looking at his computer.

The sides all looked at each other- Theater was everything to Thomas, what changed?

Patton chuckled nervously, “I think we need Roman here, kiddos” he announced to the group.

Logan shook his head, “I don’t see why he is needed. He will just confuse Thomas and try to convince him to pursue other career paths that will not be ideal to Thomas’ future.” Logan didn’t want the unrealistic dreams of the the creative side getting in the way of Thomas’ future.

Patton looked to Virgil for help.

Virgil shrugged, “Being an actor is too… unreliable. Going to college is too much commitment…” Virgil mumbled, not sure how he felt about this.

Logan nodded, “Yes it is a lot of commitment but in the end you will be filled with more knowledge, and you can easily find a stable job to suit your life style.”

Patton glanced around. He was not feeling very happy at the moment. The happy pappy father figure was starting to panic and freak out. He didn’t know what was right and what was wrong.

Becoming an actor has been a dream of Thomas’ for a long time. He was excellent at the art, he had the ability to go on and become huge in the acting community. He was already extremely successful in past productions.

Yet, Thomas would thrive in college. He would be able to set up a stable career to do his entire life. Would that make Thomas happy?

Morality looked to the spot that the creative side usually stood and knew there was something wrong with him. Roman took care of Thomas dreams, what makes him happy and what Thomas wanted. If Thomas didn’t want to act anymore, then there was definitely something wrong with Roman.

“Guys I think we really need Roman, he’s-” Patton tried to vouched for the princely boy but was shushed.

“There is no need! Now Thomas…which Colleges are you looking at?” Logan told Patton and leaned over Thomas’ shoulder to be able to see the computer screen. Virgil shrugged and begrudgingly joined Thomas on the couch, slowly followed by Patton who was awfully quiet.

 

 

  
Roman fixed his hair right before he rose to the shared mind palace. “Greetings wonderful-” Roman paused as he spotted no one there, “citizens…?” He added slowly and uncertainly.

He knew he got up late, he didn’t know he had missed breakfast. Usually another one of the sides woke him up, as they all religiously had breakfast together.

Roman felt hurt by it, it was obvious they had already been through here. Logan’s book sat open on the table, Patton’s dirty plate sat there along with Virgil’s half empty mug. Roman sucked in a breath as he tried not to lose confidence.

He smiled to himself as he waltzed over to the table, looking at the assortments.

He his smiled turned sad as he saw the mugs, remembering when he spent multiple nights staying  up just to design them. Logan’s was the hardest, trying to find a calm design that would suit the boy the best. He decided on something simple and sophisticated would do for him.

 

 

 

* * *

 

_Roman came running into the room from the kitchen. He could hear Patton’s loud lovely laughter as he was attacked by a puppy. He was wearing a cat-themed Christmas sweater that was a bit of a mess as Virgil tried his best to sow it together. He wasn’t the best with fabric but the entire group loved the work anyway. It was a gift from Virgil’s heart that made Patton happier then ever._

_Logan was wearing a white button up with a mistletoe printed on the breast pocket. He also had a very colorful tie. The tie was all Christmas green but had colorful Christmas lights printed on it with little ornaments to make the entire tie look like a tree. Roman gifted him the garment last year._

_Virgil was also very festive. He was wearing a red and white Santa hat on the top of his head. He wore a Nightmare Before Christmas themed sweater and black fuffly pajama pants with candy canes all over them._

_Roman a customized sweater that read ‘King Of Christmas’ and had a golden Santa hat on it. He wore a pair of fluffy white pajama pants with little crowns all over them to create a pattern. He also wore a golden Santa hat on his head to top it all off._

_Roman sat down on the couch of their shared mindpalace that all four of them had decorated to fit the season. He placed a bag on the ground beside him, full of his gifts._

_Roman hugged a stuffed animal sowed to make Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. It was Virgil’s gift to Roman this year, another thing that he sowed together. It had jagged stitching and none of the threads matched the fabric but Roman loved it anyway._

_Roman had never felt more at peace as he listened to Logan and Virgil happily discussing a plot to a book they both had read and Patton’s happy giggling and laughing as he played with puppies. Roman watched his three favorite people adoringly as they were all so happy and at peace._

_Roman stood up, “Its my fabulous self’s turn! All bring your attention to me!” He said dramatically and grinned charmingly. Patton looked over, trying to stifle his giggles and trying to get the puppy to stop licking his face. Virgil and Logan looked up, placing books they got for each other on their laps, and smiled at the creative side._

_Roman picked up the bag, “This year I went a little small, so I do apologize” he tells the group._

_“Im sure your gifts will be satisfactory” Logan told him encouragingly._

_“We’ll love it anyway!” Patton said loudly and happily. Virgil just nodded in agreement, a soft smile on his lips._

_Roman laughed, “Thank you, thank you. The first is for my favorite paper clip and best friend here!” He pulled out the first gift which was wrapped in dark blue paper, “Logan!”_

_Logan looked up, slightly confused at the title that was given to him. Logan turned slightly red in embarrassment as the sides all were looking at him. Patton was smiling like crazy._

_Roman handed him the small box, “I hope it is everything you have wished for!” He tells Logan._

_The logical side took ahold of it. He pushed his glasses up his face before he started to unwrap the gift. Logan pulled the stings of the ribbon and neatly and carefully unpacked it._

_He set the wrapping aside and slowly opened the black blue box. He reached in, pulling out an obnoxious amount of sparkling blue tissue paper. He finally pulled out the gift himself._

_The mug was black with a thick stripe of dark blue in the middle. In the stripe showed Logan’s favorite constellations to represent his love for astronomy. On the front of the mug showed a small version of Logan’s logo of the brain and glasses, under it was cursive letters that said “Logan”_

_Patton let out a soft 'Woah’ as he looked at the mug. Virgil even looked impressed. Best of all Logan looked at it with wonder and a sparkle of love in his eyes. As he processed the cup and the hidden meanings behind it, he slowly let a smile fill his face._

_“This is certainly ideal…and has excellent craftsmanship” he tells Roman, extremely impressed with it as he turned it, looking at each of the constellations. He set it down on the coffee table before standing._

_Roman’s grin turned into confusion and slowly into shock when Logan gave him a firm and quick hug. He pulled away quickly- as Logan hated physical contact._

_“Thank you, Roman” Logan told the creative side._

_Roman couldn’t have grinned wider._

 

* * *

  
 

  
Roman grinned at the cup. He reached down and picked up Logan’s bookmark and set it between the pages of his book. He closed it gently and pushed in the chair. He picked up the empty tea cup and the book to put them away.

Roman set the book on the table beside the couch, knowing that’s where Logan usually resided in the evenings.

Roman headed back to the kitchen and cleaned out the mug. He set the mug back in the cupboard next to his own.Roman returned to the table and went to Patton’s things. The plate was covered in syrup yet no pancakes were left. Roman picked up Patton’s mug.

Patton’s mug was the easiest to figure out what to put on it. Patton was more open with his emotions and about things he loved.

 

* * *

 

 

_Roman looked at Logan, “No problem, friendo!” He told the logical side and patted his shoulder._

_Patton snagged the cup to look at it, sitting cross-legged on the floor by Roman’s feet. Logan sat on the couch like a normal person. Virgil perched on the coffee table- as the kid liked to find places you’re not supposed to sit and sit there._

_Roman sat back down on the couch, the opposite side of where Logan sat. Roman pulled out a pale blue box with yellow ribbon around it. Patton gasped and set Logan’s cup down after looking at it. Embarrassingly hasty, Logan snatched the mug back._

_Roman handed Patton the box while Patton bounced excitedly. Patton was less neat with the box and ripped it open like a child. He tore the gold sparkled tissue paper out and ripped out his own mug._

_“Its SO beautiful!” Patton screamed, “I love it!” He hugged the mug to his chest._

_This mug wad a pale blue with yellow boarders on the rim of it. The handle was also yellow. It had white clouds everywhere white kitten faces. On the front was a rainbow and under the rainbow’s arch was Pattons logo- a heart with glasses. In a gold print it said 'Patton’ in cursive._

_Roman laughed as Patton squealed over his gift. Patton stared down at it and started rambling about everything on it._

_“Oh my gosh there are kitties! And clouds!! And look at the rainbow! There’s my name!” He gasped at the porcelain piece of work. Roman grinned widely. He had never been happier to see his work be appreciated and loved by his fellow sides._

_Patton set the mug down before springing off the floor and tackling Roman in a hug. Roman let out a soft 'oof’ yet laughed with Patton._

_“Thank you thank you thank you!” The childish father figure repeated as he squeezed Roman. Roman hugged him back loosely._

_“I am overly joyed you like it Patton!” He tells him. Patton eventually pulled away and nodded viciously._

_“Its perfect!” He giggled quieter as he grabbed the mug and skipped to the kitchen to put something in it._

_Roman watched him go then looked down at the two other sides. Virgil and Logan were watching Patton with adoring expressions as he hummed and poured tea_

 

* * *

 

  
Roman grinned and picked up the plate, fork and bottle of syrup. He gripped the lightly colored mug and headed back to the kitchen. He ran the dishes under the water before finding a sponge and making sure all the sugary substances were off all of it.

After so, Roman returned the plate and the fork back to their own cupboards and drawers, and the syrup back to the pantry. Lastly Roman opened the cup cupboard and placed Patton’s mug neatly next to Logan’s.

Roman shut the doors to it gently. He looked over and saw just Virgil’s lonely mug sitting at the table.

Roman walked over to it, picked up the mug, and turned it in his hand. Virgils was decently easy to come up with yet took the longest to actually make.

 

* * *

 

_Roman, Logan and Virgil waited for Patton to return. The happy heart bounced back quickly but with his mug full of tea and lots of sugar._

_Virgil began to slowly move backwards and shrink into himself. The anxious side knew he was next for gift receiving and started to feel anxious about it._

_Roman grinned at the side, “Come over here, you emo nightmare” he waved him over._

_Virgil hissed at him._

_“Calm down there, black panther, ill come over to you” Roman laughed as he pulled out a dark purple box with black ribbon. He stood and extended his arm to Virgil who carefully took ahold of the box._

_Virgil gently placed the box in his lap and carefully removed the ribbon, before gently tearing into the paper. He opened the plain box underneath to reveal black tissue paper with purple and blue sparkles in it._

_Virgil lifted a mug out of the box, similar to the others. Virgil’s mug was hand painted all different purples to make an ocean. Roman spent the longest on this one, getting every small detail perfect of the scene. The front of the cup had Virgil’s logo and in cursive silver letters it read 'Virgil’ under it._

_Everyone was silent for a moment as they looked at the mug. Roman curled back a little with insecurity._

_“I-I know its not your style or anything but I know your favorite color is purple! And plus you’re like an ocean- deep and mysterious and uh….beautiful” Roman’s face was rising in heat as the other sides stared at him. Virgil’s eyes widened before he looked away from Roman. The creative side panicked and quickly moved on._

_“Plus!” He said overly loud and let our a nervous chuckle, “Photos of nature, like the ocean, is supposed to calm anxiety… So…yeah..” Roman explained himself. He was so proud of Virgil’s but he was feeling so incredibly insecure about it now that he was getting so little response._

_Virgil suddenly sniffed. Everyone’s eyes shot to him._

_“I hate you” Virgil told Roman. Roman’s heart dropped, dread filling his body. He was so convinced Virgil would like it- now he just made Virgil hate him more then he did before._

_Virgil wiped his eyes, “Its beautiful and I love it” he tells the other sides. You could visibly see relief in all their expressions._

_Roman was so confused, “Then why do you still hate me so?” He asked Virgil. The kid wiped his face and looked up at Roman. He had a genuine grin on his face._

_“You’re ruining my tough dark persona by giving me such a thoughtful gift” he confessed and let out a gentle chuckle. He looked down at the mug with a grin and held it close._

_Roman smirked, “Tough and dark? You’re wearing a Santa hat and a Christmas sweater”_

_The sides erupt in laughter. They were all so sincerely happy._

 

* * *

 

  
Roman chuckled out loud to himself as he looked at the mug. He pushed in the anxious side’s chair in and walked to the kitchen sink. He gently set the cup down, letting a soft 'clink’ echo through the empty kitchen.

Roman picked up a rag and dampened it. He made his way back to the table and wiped it down. Once it was adequately cleaned he returned to the sink. He poured out the now cold coffee and cleaned out the cup. He was careful to clean it properly.

He dried off the mug and walked to the cup cabinet. He swung open the door and placed Virgil’s mug next to the other 3 to complete the set. Roman grinned at them, seeing all 4 of the mugs lined up.

Roman looked at his own mug, reaching in and pulling it out. He had made it himself aswell. He cradled it in his hand.

Roman frowned at it.

 

* * *

 

 

_Roman’s laughter died down eventually and Virgil placed his mug too the side. Roman stood up, happy to have finally gifted the sides his creations._

_“Do you want to know what else is quite awesome?” He asked the other sides._

_“Nothing can be more cool them these incredible cups! We can have a big T party!” Patton giggles as Logan groaned._

_Roman chuckled at the father figure, “This may not be as cool as you’re mug but I believe its absolutely perfect in every way” he told them dramatically. He heard a giggle from Patton and a grunt from Virgil._

_Roman reached into the bag and pulled out a fourth mug._

_This mug was all white with gold glitter spread thinly around it. The rim was spiked up to make a crown-like shape at the top. The crown was gold and had shiney gems on the front and around it- all of them red. The front of the mug had Roman’s logo on it- the red crest with a castle on it. Under it, it read 'Roman’ in cursive letters._

_Roman beamed._

_Logan snorted, “Typical”_

_Roman’s smile faltered. He looked at Virgil who smirked, “Made yourself a Christmas gift? That’s a new low” he mumbled and looked down at his own mug._

_Roman’s smile faded, “I didn’t make it for myself! I mean well-” he was cut off._

_“Who did you make it for then?” Logan asked with a teasing grin on his face._

_Roman knew they probably didn’t mean it but he still felt hurt by their accusations. He never tried to be self centered, he always pushed to care for others. He was the romantic side- he felt empathy any sympathy and always did his best to woo his fellow friends. He hated being accused of being full of himself._

_“Well, me. But not because I-” Roman tried to respond but was cut off again._

_Virgil chuckled, “Of course he made one for himself” he commented._

_Patton grinned, “I think its cute!!” He added into the conversation._

_Logan shrugged, “Its a bit…uh…narcissistic- I mean self absorbed- I mean odd” he admitted and fixed his glasses._

_Virgil shrugged and leaned back, “Only making us mugs so you can have one too? Tsk tsk, Prince” Virgil teased as he 'shook shame’ at him with his fingers._

_Suddenly there was a loud ding._

_Patton gasped, “Cookies are done!” He yelled and jumped up. Virgil and Logan started chatting about the upcoming cookies and weather or not Patton has burned them._

_Roman looked down at his own mug silently, suddenly hating the work in his hands. He admired it for a moment, “I made it so we could all match…like A family” he muttered but it was too quiet to be audible. The other sides continued to chat as Roman set the object aside._

 

* * *

  
Roman felt his eyes sting, remembering how he felt at that time. He burrowed his eyebrows together and scrunched up his nose to avoid letting the tears fall.

Roman closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He gripped the mug tightly and ran his other hand over top of it.

When the creative side opened his eyes and looked at his mug, it was now blank. The sparkly, golden and colorful mug was now just a simple white mug- all of its designs gone.

He let out a sigh and placed the white mug on a shelf above where it sat before. The now white cup sat next to the rest of their plain mugs and apart from the three special ones on the shelf below. It blended in too well for Roman’s liking.

Roman looked at the 3 mugs without the 4th one. It looked better now.

Roman gently shut the cupboard and let out a deep breath, feeling an anvil in his heart weighing him down. He took one last look around the empty room before heading back to his room.

He was too busy thinking he didn’t notice how transparent his hands had become.

 


	3. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman makes some serious changes to hold his spot as a main side, but more importantly, hold his spot as a friend to Virgil, Logan, and Patton. He assumes these changes will please them, but a fight breaks out instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No serious warnings! Insecurities / angst!

Roman fell onto his couch as he resided back to his room.

He let out a sigh and stared at his ceiling, watching the bubbles float by. He reached up and played with them as he thought to himself.

“Why don’t you trust me more?” He asked himself in an empty, quiet room, “All I do is fight for you..fight for your hopes and dreams. Create all you’re imagination. I want to create happiness for you, not destroy everything you’ve ever wanted” he tells the silence in his room. Roman let out a loud sigh as he sat up.

“Maybe I should just duck out… It seems all I am doing is hurting you” he tells himself and glanced around his room. “I’m nothing but childish imagination, and you’re an adult now. You have no time for silly things like me” he stood up in frustration. He looked around the room. It was covered in Disney posters, colorful paintings, and family photos of the sides. Roman looked down at his transparent hands.

He sucked in a breath- he knew exactly what this meant. The creative side raised his hand so it was in front of his face. Roman could faintly see through his hand. The bubbles floated by and provided a glow that just drifted through what used to be solid.

He focused on what was behind his hand, spotting a photo across the room. He let his hand slowly fall as he stared at it. Roman let out a breath, taking one foot after the other until he stood in front of the photo.

The photo showed Roman surrounded by all the people he loved. His right arm was slung around Virgil’s shoulders as Virgil let a small smile appear on his face. His left arm was wrapped around Patton; the moral side hugged Roman around the neck while laughing. Logan stood next to Patton, a hand on Patton’s back as he subtly smiled at the camera. Deceit stood too the side, beside Virgil with a small grin and a wave- he didn’t like to be touched often. Remy was even in this one- he peaked above Roman and Patton giving a peace-sign to the camera. Thomas was the one who took the photo, so he was absent but he was there in thought.

Roman felt a knot in his throat and a rock in his stomach. He came to a realization. He ran his hand over the photo nostalgically.

“Maybe I don’t need to leave…maybe if I just  _change_ I wont disappear” he whispered to himself, his voice low and cracking, “I don’t want to leave them..” He tells himself and glanced around the room.

He was suddenly set on a different mission. He needed to reinvent himself or else he would disappear. He didn’t need to sit, wallowed up in his room until he poofed into nothingness. He didn’t want to leave the people he loved the most- and if he changed so they accepted him, maybe he wouldn’t have too.

He started with the posters. Roman moved around the room and took down all his Disney posters. He pulled down Mulan, Aladdin, Lion King, Beauty and The Beast, The Little Mermaid, Pinocchio, all of them. He folded them nicely and set them in a pile.

He tapped his chin as he thought about what else he needed to get rid of. He pulled down all his meaningless paintings- which was most of them. He left up a few that were simple and fit the room well. He piled the paintings up next to the posters.

Roman bit his lip and thought for a moment, closing his eyes and raising his hand. He breathed heavily as he concentrated- using his mind to change the structure of his room. His brain started to go on overdrive.

Roman suddenly gasped, opening his eyes as he felt himself fall over out of mental exhaustion. He scrambled to catch himself, grabbing onto the arm of a chair to stop himself from completely falling on his face.

He breathed heavily, his limbs felt weak and his eyes felt tired. He shook his head to try to wake himself up a bit more. He knew he needed to stop doing that so much; he knew it was bad for him. Yet he was satisfied with the result.

The walls were no longer red and gold and instead was a nice coffee color. The floor was no longer covered in paint and other stains. It was a soft, comfortable white carpet. He looked at the furniture. Instead of having it all red and royalty-like, the couches and chairs were a simple black and the tables were sleek white with glass on stop. It still looked nice and expensive- yet just more simple. More calming.

The place where his unfinished paintings were stacked next to his easel and paints was now replaced with a desk with papers instead of canvases and pencils instead of brushes. A laptop sat on the desk.

Roman smiled at it. It was so incredibly simple and not creative at all but Roman knew it would be a good change. Sure it made him uncomfortable, it was no where near his style, and he hated it but…if it kept him from disappearing he would do anything.

Roman decided he wanted to show the other sides, despite how tired he was. He was suddenly so excited about them seeings it- seeing how much he has matured. He let out a small squeal, “They are going to love it!” He clapped his hands.

Roman was about to sink out when he glanced into the mirror. He immediately stopped and looked down at his outfit. He couldn’t wear this silly thing anymore. He needed something less…extra.

Roman thought for a moment before letting out a small gasp. He excitedly spun in a circle. Suddenly his prince outfit disappeared and in its spot was a white button up with his logo on the shoulders. His pants were now all red and his shirt was tucked into them. To top it off, a pair of golden suspenders went around his shoulders.

He grinned at himself, “Now I’m ready!”

He sunk out

“Greetings, friendos!” Roman greeted as he appeared in the shared mind palace.

Logan looked up from the book he had his nose in, Virgil continued to nod his head as he listened to music on the couch, and Patton was too engrossed in Steven Universe.

Logan cringed a little bit, “Please not so loud, I do have a headache from today and I’m trying to focus my attention to my book” He requested.

Roman took a moment to wonder how Logan- an imaginary figment inside someones head- had a headache. He decided not to think about it too much to refrain from also- giving himself a headache.

“Sorry to interrupt, Siri. I just wish to show you all something I have fabulously done!” He tells the group just as proudly but with less volume this time.

Logan’s nose was already back in his book, so he just let out a hum. Virgil glanced at him but didn’t respond as his headphones covered his ears.

Roman’s prideful attitude plummeted, “Hello? Greetings? Yes I am talking to all of you commoners!” He called out playfully, stepping into the living room. He waved to Virgil who just glared and visibly showed Roman that he had turned up his music. Roman crossed his arms and glared back.

He turned to Logan with a huff, waving his hand in front of his face, “Hello? Alexa? I am speaking to you!” He calls out.

Logan slowly looked up at him and calmly set his book down on his lap, “Roman as excited as you are, I simply do not have the emotions to…give attention to whatever project you have completed now. It is later in the evening and I wish to continue to relax by reading. Perhaps you can show Patton” Logan explained and suggested. Roman frowned.

“But I want to show  _all_  of youuu!” He whined.

Logan was getting visibly irritated, “As I explained before, Roman” Logan said his name harshly, “I lack the interest you do in giving attention to you’re newest creation. Maybe later”

Roman grabbed Logan’s hand and started to attempt to pull him off the couch, “Pleaaassee Logan-!”

“Roman I do not have the time-” He raised his voice.

“But Logan I-”

“Roman!  _Enough_!” Logan yelled and ripped his hand away. Roman let his hands drop as he went silent.

Roman felt his heart plummet as he stared at Logan. He felt anger boil in his chest.

“Whatever. Continue being an emotionless freak then” Roman spat the words at him. He saw the hurt flash across Logan’s eyes.

Roman  _knew_  his words hurt. He remembered the nights he stayed up to comfort Logan. He knew how insecure Logan was about his lack of emotions and his selfishness. He knew it all yet he spit the words anyway- just to hurt him.

Roman turned around before Logan could see the guilt in his expression.

Roman shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking out of the living room in a hurt, dreadful rage back to his room. He stopped in his tracks when he suddenly heard a voice that broke silence.

“I’ll come see it” Patton’s soft voice rang through the room.

Roman turned around slowly. Sometime in the midst of fighting with Logan, Virgil had turned down his music and taken off his headphones and Patton paused his show. Virgil was now looking back and forth from Logan to Roman with an unreadable expression. Patton stared up from where he was on the ground with a soft, sad expression.

Roman let out a sigh, “No Patton it’s fine, it is nothing impressive or-”

Patton stood up, interrupting Roman, “I don’t care! I wanna see it…everything you make is impressive! No one tells you that enough!” Patton told him, a pained expression on his face.

Roman froze, confusion written all over his face. He was usually so good at reading emotions and how people felt but now he couldn’t. He didn’t know why Patton was starting to yell compliments at him while he wore a pained expression. He didn’t know why Patton was saying anything positive to him in the first place. Roman knew he had done nothing right lately.

“Patton you don’t have to say that, its hardly true and-”

Patton voice cracked, “Roman stop!” he yelled.

The room went silent.

All you could hear was the soft breaths coming from Patton as he stared at the creative side. Roman stood, shocked and confused, staring back at him. Virgil and Logan watched in confusion and surprise from their spots.

“It  _is_ true! Roman you are so valued! You make Thomas so  _incredibly_ happy. You allow him to see a brighter future and to find fun in life. You create wonderful things and everything you make is impressive and gorgeous! You are so important to Thomas and you are so important to us! We can’t be without you, Roman!” Patton’s voice was slowly becoming strained as it became obvious that he was holding back tears.

“We don’t tell you that enough..or at all! You deserve to hear how much we appreciate you because we do! And you always show us how much you value us and how much you care about us and we never return the favor!” Patton had tears in his eyes by now.

All the sides watched in awe- Patton had only gotten like this a few times before. He only did when he was feeling overwhelmed by different emotions or when he felt ignored.

Roman felt a knot in his throat as he felt like he was also going to cry hearing these things. He finally spoke up.

“Patton why-” He started to speak but Patton wasn’t done.

“Because your mug is gone! I noticed that your mug is gone…and your paintings! The paintings you made and we hung in the living room have disappeared!” Patton gestured to the walls.

The three other sides looked around them and found it to be true- the paintings Roman had hung had now disappeared, leaving the walls blank and empty.

“Plus!” Patton continued, holding his tears down, “You weren’t at breakfast! Or lunch! Or dinner! You didn’t show up today when Thomas called you…you-” Patton’s tears finally over flowed.

Roman ran forward so he was in front of Patton, looking around him- trying to figure out how to comfort the boy. Roman felt terrible, he made Patton sad like this. He didn’t mean too, he just figured the other sides didn’t want him around. Roman placed a hand Patton’s shoulder and looked at him. Patton hung his head.

“Patton that’s hardly any reason to assume that-”

“You’re disappearing Roman…” Patton told him as he grabbed Roman’s hand and looked down at it, “Roman you’re transparent…you’re disappearing”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I wanna say that im 100% not gonna make Logan and Virgil seem evil and I apologize if I have. Logan I find is very…self centered in a way that he isnt aware of other peoples feelings and he thinks he is always correct. Virgil however…he more, doesn’t know how to deal with it? And he doesn’t understand the capacity of his words/actions bc he thinks Roman can handle it. They aren’t terrible- they will start to be nicer :)
> 
> ALso thank you for all the positive feedback!! It makes me suppper happy!!


	4. Feathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Roman's past is revealed... including who he used to be. It takes him over once again, and this time it may be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Implied death, cussing, dark sides, self-hatred

_A soft hum echoed quietly around a silent room. All you could hear was the soft breaths and soft dabs of a brush on a canvas. Roman sat in the corner of his room next to a window, where natural daylight brought out his best features- creating shadows across his face._

_A whoosh of air broke the silence- but did not break the creative side’s concentration. His eyes stayed focused on the blended and vivid paint on his canvas. Ideas and thoughts filled his mind, pulling him out of reality and into this creative realm he seemed to zone out into a lot._

_Roman’s back straightened as he heard the click of footsteps on his marble floor. He was now aware there was someone in his room. He relaxed- assuming it was Logan here to chat, or Virgil showing up to talk about Disney or present some new conspiracy theories, or maybe even Patton coming to offer him a warm freshly-baked cookie. Roman was happy to have any of their company. He genuinely enjoyed each of them._

_Roman didn’t expect a cold hand to land on his shoulder. He visibly jumped, looking back to the figure looming behind him._

_“Nice to see you again, Jay”_

_Roman’s eyes narrowed_

_“Get the hell out of my room”_

* * *

 

“You’re disappearing Roman…” Patton told him as he grabbed Roman’s hand and looked down at it, “Roman you’re transparent…you’re disappearing”

The room was deadly silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Roman let out a choked laugh, ripping his hands away from Patton as if the moral man were poison. “What- No! That’s absurd Patton!” he stuck his hands behind his back.

Patton looked at him with pained eyes, “Roman why are you trying to hide it? We can help!”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows, “Whose ‘we’? You, Virgil and Logan?” He scoffed, “Those two would let me disappear before they helped me. If you haven’t noticed, Patton, you’re the only one who cares” He muttered and glanced to the two silent left-brain boys looming behind Patton. The two had said a word since Patton’s outburst. Patton didn’t act like this a lot, so something was obviously wrong. As Thomas’ heart he could tell when something was off, so an outburst like this was a huge red flag for Logan and Virgil. The two were just trying to figure out how to make it better, for Roman and for Patton.

“Roman that’s not true. We…“Logan spoke up shyly but trailed off. Words failed him. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. He felt like a fool for not seeing this sooner. He was so caught up believing his way was the best way, he didn’t take the time to analysis how this was affecting Roman, and even Patton and Thomas as well. Damn this was probably rough on Virgil too.

“Oh clam it, bird brain. I’ve only been a burden to you and nothing else” Roman snapped at him, making eye contact.

Roman couldn’t see it himself but he wasn’t looking so much like himself anymore. Virgil was the first to notice the glint of green in Roman’s usually maroon eyes. It would be hard not to notice the darkening of his chestnut hair to a dark chocolate. His skin went from glowing to dull and pale.

Patton stared, scared. You could almost visibly see the gears working in Logan’s head to figure out what was happening. This was suddenly getting out of control. It was suddenly more then a simple fight. This was bigger.

While the other two pondered mentally, Virgil wanted to smack himself for not realizing what was happening earlier. He needed to put a stop to it.

“Maybe if I was likable like Patton! Or if I was smart like Logan! Or even rational like Virgil- you guys would accept me!” Roman threw his hands into the air dramatically, staring at his friends. His voice was getting more and more hoarse. He began to scratch at his arms.

“But Ill never be” he muttered, looking away from them.

Virgil stepped towards Roman, he needed to stop this. He couldn’t let this happen to Roman. Roman’s skin was visibly paler and more transparent, his eyes glowed a bright green now. His teeth grew at an alarming rate, the tips of them growing a sharp as knives. Small pale green feathers blistered his skin up and down his arms.

“No matter how much I want you guys to love me the way you love each other, you never will”

Patton stepped forward, fear in his eyes, “We do love you! Roman you are one of us! We need you!”

Roman looked up, letting out a deep hoarse chuckle, “Oh sweet Patton… adorable Patton who everyone loves and praises”

Virgil started running at Roman.

“You’ll never know how much I envy you”

Virgil reached out, screaming Roman’s name as he did.

The moment Virgil grabbed his now feathery and green arm, Roman vanished before their eyes. A small pile of burnt green feathers fluttered to the ground.

* * *

 

_“Why do you wish to get rid of me? We used to be so close…” The figure ran his hand through Roman’s hair. Roman smacked it away and stood up abruptly to face the other side._

_“I’m no longer apart of you…and I don’t want you to be a part of me anymore, Red” Roman glared at them. Red laughed lightly. The side wore a grey hoodie that trailed down to its knees. It wore baggy black jeans, and socks. They had the same face as the other sides, yet their hair was darker and half of it fell in front of its left eye. He had a similar look to Roman’s new friend Virgil, but his eye shadow completely circled his eyes and his eyes were completely grey. He looked like a walking corpse. He was the personification of self-hatred after all._

_“But we work together so well, Jay”_

_Roman’s stare couldn’t have been deadlier, “My name is Roman” he said more like a demand then a statement._

_“Is that what you go by now?” The side asked._

_Roman turned back to his paintings and began to put away his paints and brushes. His tranquil concentration had been shattered by this unwanted company and Roman knew he wouldn’t be able to get it back._

_Red kept a blank face and stepped forward, picking up the almost finished painting._

_“You’re blending is terrible. Have you considered learning to paint?” He asks Roman and gives him a side eye. Roman ignored him and continued to cap his paints and set them in a drawer. He tried not to snap, he was someone else now._

_“Those don’t even look like trees, Roman. I’m pretty sure a kindergartner could do better then this” Red told Roman as he ran his hand over the painting- smudging the paint and making a big streak across the front._

_Roman placed the last bottle in its drawer and slammed it shut a little harder then he wanted too._

_Red didn’t stop, “You have no skill at all, you’d be best just to rip this up and throw it away. No one will ever believe this looks remotely good”_

_Red took the painting by both sides and pushed together- snapping the wood and tearing the canvas._

_“You’ll never be good enough” Red grinned._

_Roman lost his temper and turned around. In a fit of fury he grabbed at Red, holding onto him and punching a hole right in the middle before tearing him to pieces. He heard the ripping of cloth at every tear, screaming while angry tears poured from his eyes. Memories flooded his brain and drove his emotions overboard._

_But when Roman came back to his senses, the only thing in his hands were two small pieces of his painting. The rest laid completely torn apart on the ground and Red was nowhere to be seen._

* * *

 

The three main personality traits stood completely silent. The room was once again deadly quiet. No one knew what to say or how to process what they had just seen.

Only days before they had seen Roman come dancing and skipping through the living room, singing Lion King at the top of his lungs. He was smiling, dancing and being regular Roman. How did that persona crumble so incredibly fast? None of them knew what could have triggered such an event to happen. They all silently knew that this was beyond their knowledge and something more was happening to Roman then they expected.

Logan and Patton stared at Virgil, their eyes wide and their states speechless. Virgil let his hand drop where it hovered- trying to grasp onto Roman. Virgil stared fearful at the small pile of feathers.

Logan was the first to speak up, his voice strained and choked up, “Is he….?” He spoke softly.

Virgil shook his head immediately, “No he’s not dead” He told them certainly. You could hear a sigh of relief come from both other sides.

Virgil slowly crouched down and very slowly and hesitantly reached for the feathers. He looked at them as if they were fire burning his skin. He gently picked one of them up, running a finger over the softness.

Patton spoke up gently, “Where is he then?” he asked.

Memories flashed through Virgil’s mind. He visibly shivered, “Someplace much worse”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…. I was gonna end this with some cute fluffy hurt-comfort thing….but then I got this thought:
> 
> what if I don’t?
> 
> Therefore… I’ve actually put this wonderful thing called Original Plot in this and now we are gonna have some real fun :)
> 
> I apologize for the short chapter…they'll grow. I just have a love for cliff hangers


	5. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning more about Jay and Red, puzzle pieces start to come together. Virgil, being previously a dark side, gives some valuable information about the situation. Logan and Patton decide they want to help, but will Virgil really allow them to be subject to the cruel world of the dark side's realms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: self-Hatred as a side, Self-Loathing, crying, insecurities, mentions of Deceit.

Patton visibly shivered, “Where did our Roman go?! What has happened to him?!” Patton began to freak out and panic, feeling scared for Roman and for Thomas.

Logan placed a hand on Patton’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. Virgil’s head and Patton’s head both turned to Logan. Logan looked strained, stressed and overall tired. Yet the spark in his eyes held determination. It held the love for Roman he kept hidden down and the dedication to help their loved one.

“Don’t worry Patton, we are going to get him back and I am certain of it” He told the two of them with a nod. Logan looked to Virgil, “But to do that we need you to tell us everything you know, Virgil. It seems you know more about this then we do” Logan spoke analytically. Patton’s tearful puppy eyes looked to Virgil.

Virgil sucked in a breath, he hoped he would never have to talk about it but…if it could help save Roman then he would do anything.

  
“Its a long story…” Virgil told them, hugging himself slightly.

Patton sniffed, “We’re listening”

* * *

 

_Jay sat next to Thomas on the bleachers of his middle school. Thomas was as young as 13, his baby face had just started sprouting pimples and his voice was just getting deeper. He was small and tiny, tall and lanky. His teeth hadn’t fully become adults so they were still uneven and had braces laces across them. He sat on top of the metal outdoor bleachers, his knees pulled to his chest as he watched the other boys in their soccer jerseys kick the ball around._

_Deceit had just left, Jay taking his place. Thomas had made up some excuse about his ankle hurting to get out of gym, and now sat there watching the kids_

_Jay wasn’t the prettiest. His hair was a dark brown in contrast to Thomas’ ashy brown hair. He had glowing green eyes and was covered in dark green feathers. They completely covered his shoulders and back. The only parts of his body you could see was his entire face, his hands and his arms. There were feathers scattered around his arms and legs but you could still see his rough skin underneath. His skin was a pale sickly green. Jay’s teeth were long and sharp as he spoke to Thomas, his tongue long and sharp at the end. He looked like a monster._

_Jay leaned closer to Thomas, “If only you could actually play sports like them…be a normal boy.” Jay whispered. “They are actually attractive too… don't you wish you had beautiful fluffy hair like John? Or an attractive body like Peter? Or if you could actually get a girlfriend like Kyle and Taylor?” He whispered._

_“I wish we could be cool like them… look at Preston? Everyone loves him…no wonder everyone loves him, he actually has a personality” He tells Thomas._

_Thomas’ eyes welled up in tears, his watched with glossy eyes as the boys and girls in his gym class laughed and played together. He wished he could be like them, he could be a normal kid but he knew…Jay knew he would never. No one would ever like him like they liked Sarah Johnson, and Kyle Miller, and Josh Taylor. He would never be anything._

_With all this envy and loathing in the air, how could Red not show up?_

_With the whoosh of wind the dark gloomy character was suddenly standing there._

_“Hey Jay” He greeted and stepped up onto the bleachers._

_Jay smirked, “Hey Red”_

_With a kiss to Jay’s cheek he took a seat next to Thomas._

* * *

 

Virgil ran his hands over his face. He looked at Patton and Logan, both looking so determined to find Roman and save him. It actually warmed Virgil’s heart a bit… He knew with these two on his side he would definitely be able to get his friend back.

“You remember Deceit..right?” He asked the two.

Logan frowned and Patton shifted uncomfortably. Logan nodded, “Of course we do”

Virgil let out a breath, shoving his shaky hands in his hoodie. “Well there are more.. Dark sides if that’s what you want to call them” He tells them. They both seemed scared but… not surprised.

Patton nodded, “Well we know that but what does that have to do with Roman? Was that just someone disguised as Roman like how Deceit made himself look like me?”

Virgil shook his head, “Sadly no..” He tells them, “Let me start from the beginning…”

“I knew Roman before I knew either of you… You both have been there since Thomas was small but as you know Roman didn’t appear until Thomas was about 15 and I didn’t come in until he was about 16” He tells the two. Both of them looked slightly confused, nodding slowly. They already knew this information, why was Virgil telling them again?

“Roman wasn’t always Roman…He wasn’t always creativity. Since both of you have always been the same… you may not know but us sides can actually change from one trait to another…and we often do as Thomas grows older and we steer him into different paths” He tells them. Patton stepped closer to Logan, wrapping his arm around the Logical side. Patton often needed physical comfort when he wasn’t feeling well.

Virgil shifted his feet, “Roman used to be known as Jay…” He tells the two of them.

Patton looked down, “Jay…that…sounds familiar..”

“Jay?” Logan questioned, “You mean Roman’s been here since Thomas was a kid?” He inquired. Virgil shrugged his shoulders.

“Roman…or Jay appeared when Thomas was about 11” He tells him, “Or when Thomas entered Middle school” He tells the two of them.

Virgil looked away, “Technically we have all been there sense Thomas was born…but we don’t appear until we are a big part of his personality. Thomas has had morality and a since of logic since he was very young so you two have always been there. Roman- er- Jay wasn’t prominent until Thomas was 11” He tried to explain better.

Logan shook his head, “Wait stop- stop…who is Jay?” He asked, “I get that Roman used to be Jay but what does that mean?”

Virgil shook his head, “I can’t tell you..”

Logan looked frustrated, “What? Why can’t you tell us?” He asked and stepped forward. Patton squeezed his arm and pulled him back. Logan immediately calmed down when he remembered Patton next to him. He looked down at Patton who looked up at him. Logan sighed, fixing his glasses.

Virgil looked scared, “I’m sorry I just can’t…you have to trust me” He looks into Logan’s eyes.

Logan ran it through his head, he knew it was illogical of Virgil to do it. Logan had to remember Virgil was an emotion…Logan was not… but he also had to remember Virgil was pretty smart and he was Logan’s friend so…

Logan nodded, “Okay, I trust you. But that still doesn’t tell us where Roman went or how we get him back?”

Virgil took his hands out of his hoodie and scratched his face, “Well that's…also complicated” He tells the two.

* * *

 

_Red stood behind Thomas, “They hate you.. You hate yourself” he played with his hair. “Jay’s right…you’ll never be them. Meaning, you’ll never be good enough! But that’s not a surprise, is it?” He chuckled happily, as if this was an overly enjoyable hobby for him._

_Thomas hugged his knees tighter and hid his head._

_Jay watched the other kids, glaring at them. “They are so good..”_

_Red perked up, “And you’re not! Haha!” He poked Thomas in the head._

_Thomas let out a sniffle._

_“Hey!” A voice yelled._

_Jay and Red both turned their heads to see a grown man standing there with his arms crossed. He wore a blue polo and had a grey sweater tied around his neck. His pants were a light brown and were rolled up at the end, business shoes on his feet._

_“Leave him alone you two! I don’t know who you think you are but you need to leave Thomas alone!” He yelled at the two sides. Red smirked as Jay frowned._

_Red stood up, “Oh if it isn’t Morality…stupid little morality…why don't you run back to Logic so he can tell you how stupid you are some more? You know its true..” He tells Patton._

_Jay shifted uncomfortably._

_Patton’s expression didn’t change, “I said get away from Thomas, Self-Hatred. You have no right to be here” He tells the man. Red chuckled and jumped down from the bleachers._

_“Are you finally standing up for yourself? Instead of being the baby you know you are. Coward..” He told Patton as he walked closer. Patton’s expression turned darker. Thomas finally looked up from where he was sitting. He watched the scene. Jay stayed silent, watching the battle._

_Jay knew Morality well, despite Morality barely knowing him. Everyone knew Morality and Logic- they had been there for a long time and constantly were always Thomas’ most powerful sides. They were the most loved and yet the most hated and feared sides inside Thomas’ brain._

_Jay wanted to be like that.. He wanted to be loved. He looked to Thomas. He wanted Thomas to be loved..like everyone else. Jay kept quiet._

_Patton stepped in closer, “This is wrong…you are wrong about Thomas and I wont let you do this to him all the time… Its overly excessive, Self-Hatred. Quit it” He lectured Red, “Thomas can do wonderful things..he has so much passion and so many lovable features. I wont let you pull him down like this! You’re holding him back from doing the right thing. He should be out there playing with the kids but you three are holding him back from enjoying his youth…would you please just back away?” Patton asked Self-Hatred in the most calm voice he could, the most convincing and soothing voice he could. Patton wasn’t one for anger…as Thomas was a very passive person._

_Red scoffed, “Stop being so sweet…you know you’re a terrible person on the inside…give it up” He tells him._

_Patton glared, “No, I'm not. I’m worth it and so is Thomas. Thomas believes in himself because I believe in him. He loves himself because I love him” He tells Red._

_“Go ahead and believe that… but you’ll never be able to stop me” He tells Patton, leaning forward and kissing Patton’s cheek. It made a sizzle sound on contact._

_Red turned, “I’ll see you soon Jay” He winked towards the monster and disappeared into thin air._

_Jay sat there silent and still._

_Patton let out a breath, as if he was holding it in the entire time. Patton fixed his sweater and his glasses before looking up at Thomas and Jay. Thomas wiped his eyes._

_Patton walked up the bleachers, sending Jay a glance before taking a seat next to Thomas and wrapping his arm comfortingly around his shoulders. The cheers and laughter of boys and girls filled the silence._

_Thomas looked up at morality, “Am I a bad person?” He asked him. Patton let out a soft chuckle and kissed the top of Thomas’ head._

_“Bad people don’t worry if they are a bad person or not” He tells him with a grin. The sunshine beat down on the two of them, making their light fluffy hair glow and their hazel eyes almost flow like embers. Thomas’ hopeful eyes looked to Patton for guidance like an angel._

_Jay memorized the scene, the beauty of it. He felt chills go up his spine. The feathers on his back stood up as he hunched over, feeling smaller and smaller. Morality was the most gorgeous side he had ever laid eyes on. He glowed like a star, radiating love and happiness. Morality’s smile let out a gentle aura. Jay wanted to curl up i, Morality’s arms and listen to him. He wanted Morality to love him like he loved Thomas. He wanted to be loved like Morality._

_Jay looked down at his green hands, his skinny bony green hands. He looked at his burnt up green feathers scattered up his arm. His eyes traced himself before they slowly looked back up to Patton and Thomas._

_Thomas laughed lightly, “I guess you’re right, Patton” He tells him and wiped the tears from his face, his eyes red and poofy._

_“I’m always right! I'm your morality!” He tells him happily and squeezed him, getting a giggle from Thomas. “You are just as skilled and talented as those kids out there! You just may have talents in different areas! And you’re young enough to go out and explore those! I know you have looked into the school play…are you interested in it?” He asked._

_Thomas looked up at him and nodded, “Yeah a little…but Preston told me its only for girls and boys who are sissys” he looked down._

_Patton scoffed, “No way! You can do whatever you want, kiddo, no matter who its supposed to be for. Explore your talents! I think you’d do very well in the school play…you’ll just need a little…creativity!” He tells him with a grin._

_Jay felt something inside him spark. He tore his eyes away from the scene._

_“Where do I get creativity? I’m not creative..” Thomas pouted, his hands sat gently in his lap, his legs moving down from his earlier crouching position._

_Patton smiled happily, “You’ll have to dig down inside yourself and awaken him! Create him!” He tells Thomas, his voice sounding gentle and magical._

_Thomas laughed, “How do you create creativity without creativity?” He asked._

_Patton poked his nose, “You’ll figure it out”_

_Thomas grinned even wider._

_Jay faded away._

* * *

_d of flashback~_ Patton stepped forward, “I’ll do anything to get Roman back!” He told him determinedly.

“We…We will do anything to get Roman back” Logan corrected and took Patton’s hand. Patton grinned at him with a sad expression.

Patton looked to Virgil, slowly reaching over and taking the anxious side’s hand.

“Will you please help us?” Patton asked him, certainty in his voice.

Virgil looked at the two of them.

Virgil knew they couldn’t handle it. Virgil knew that it would be a long difficult trip to find Roman, to help him. He knew their limits and how pure the two are. Virgil loved Roman, Virgil also loved Logan and he loved Patton. He loved them with all his heart. He vowed to never put them in harm’s way..that included Patton and Logan.

Virgil could see the determination in their eyes. He could see how eager they were to rescue their creative, overly dramatic, charismatic and annoyingly lovable friend. Virgil knew what he had to do.

“Of course…but.. We should rest first. It’s a tough, long way and we will need to be at our best to get there.” Virgil stepped towards them.

Patton and Logan glanced at each other before nodding.

The three of them moved forward into a group hug, all three of them wishing they had their fourth counterpart there to complete it.

 

 

 

Virgil stayed up until the ungodly hours of the night. He packed a small bag with basic stuff in it. Virgil knew how large Roman’s realm was. The anxious side also knew this was Jay’s realm now, no longer Romans. He knew the vast dark hills like the back of his hand, the dark deadly forest with unimaginable creatures. The long deserts full of black sand, glowing venomous snakes that hunted you down, whispering every little flaw about you you’re entire walk.

Virgil finally slipped his jacket over his shoulders and zipped it up. He laced his arms through his back pack straps. He stood and looked himself in his mirror. He let out a deep breath.

“In for seven seconds…” Virgil whispered to himself, sucking in air and closing his eyes.

He imagined Roman singing and dancing around the room. Roman’s loud voice ringing through the living room as he belched out one of his favorite Disney songs. He remembered Roman playfully wrestling with Logan for the remote for the TV. They rolled around the floor, going back and forth between pinning the other to the ground and snatching the remote. Virgil remembered his loud obnoxious voice as he interrupted conversations and barged into Virgil’s room without asking. He remembered his terrible whining when he didn’t get his way.

“Hold it in for 4 seconds.”

The anxious side remembered Roman coming into his room at 3am after hearing Virgil’s soft sniffing. He remembered Roman gently wrapping a fluffy blanket around his shoulders and handing him a warm cup of tea. Roman soothingly singing him a lullaby to calm him to sleep, whispering helpful words into his ear and listening to his problems. Virgil remembered walking by Patton’s room and seeing Roman sitting criss-cross on his bed, making jokes and acting around the room to make Patton giggle through his tears, to wave away his worries. Roman conjured up puppies solely to make Patton’s sad expression go away, make him feel loved. He remembered walking into Logan’s room one morning to find the two cuddled up sleeping together. Later he found out Logan had a breakdown that night and Roman swooped in to offer the emotional and physical support he needed. The two had fallen asleep together after talking almost all night.

Virgil opened his eyes, “Out for 8 seconds” He spoke.

Virgil remembered the night he walked by Roman’s room, spotting Roman crying to himself as he clutched his pillow. He remembered Roman opening up to the others and telling them he was being harassed by thoughts of self-hatred. He remembered finding Roman asleep in the living room, a piece of art of his ripped to shreds at his feet. Virgil picked up the man and placing him back in his bedroom, safely in bed. After peaking through his things he found many of his writings and artwork torn up. He remembered how Roman used to be, and how proud Roman was of himself for who he had become. He remembered the others lecturing him on his narcissism and scolding him for flaunting his self-love, unknowing of who he used to be and how he was haunted by his past. Virgil remembered only a few days before, telling Roman to tear himself down, after he had struggled so hard to build himself up.

Virgil narrowed his eyes and stared himself in the mirror. He was going to make this right.

“I’m coming for you, princey” He whispered. He turned away from the mirror, shut the lights off in his room and headed out the door, shutting it behind him.

Virgil snuck down the hall quietly, checking to see if Logan and Patton had shut their doors to sleep for the night. He felt bad for leaving them behind to go on his own. He just couldn’t stand the thought of them being corrupted by what could be in there. It was similar to them coming to his realm…but envy. Virgil shook the thought of his mind. This was for Logan, Patton and especially Roman.

Virgil stopped in front of Roman’s door, placing his hand on it. He could feel the energy from the inside of it. Virgil let out a breath and glanced back at the two closed doors. He slowly pushed open the door and stepped into Jealousy’s Realm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it!!!! Let me know in the comments if you have theories or questions bc I know it can get confusing..
> 
> ALSO !!!! Let me know if I should have ships? and what ship if so??? Place a comment!


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